


Goodbye My Lover

by RaddyDan



Category: McFly
Genre: M/M, Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-04
Updated: 2016-04-04
Packaged: 2018-05-31 06:23:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,048
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6459334
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RaddyDan/pseuds/RaddyDan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This story is about someone losing someone very close to them. And the history of their relationship. Slash - Pudd.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Goodbye My Lover

**Author's Note:**

> After the idea of Carry You Home came to me, I started to listen to James Blunt's songs that I had on my iPod and came across this one.  
> This song ALWAYS makes me cry because it was a song I listened too when I broke up with one of my ex's.  
> Also this story is in form of a letter, I am going to give you a word of warning... YOU. WILL. NEED. TISSUES!
> 
> The fic includes lyrics from a song called Goodbye My Love by James Blunt. The story is based on someone losing a lover.
> 
> I ask of you can you please listen to the song first before reading this story because otherwise the lyrics will not make sense!
> 
> So please sit back, put your feet up, and enjoy
> 
> And Read and Review please :D

' _Dear Dougie Lee Poynter,_

_I remember when I first ever saw you, it was at the audition for the band and you were sat there looking as white as a sheet of paper, I would even go as far as say you looked like you wanted to throw up. So I came over and I sat next too you. Then it started. You turned your head and noticed the T-Shirt that I was wearing; we spoke for a good 20 minutes on 'The Starting Line' and how awesome they were and what our favourite songs were. And from that moment on, we were like best friends, I think we were meant to meet there I honestly do._ '

' **You touched my heart you touched my soul.  
You changed my life and all my goals.** '

' _Then we were both successful in joining the band. At first you were quiet, shy and didn't say anything. Even when we had interviews, Tom and Danny spoke seeing as they were the speakers of the band, and we just sat there and nodded and spoke when spoken too, but you… You said some of the most randomness lines I had ever heard. I laughed at them, Tom giggled and Danny just looked at you as in too say 'What the hell?' I loved this about you. It was from the beginning that I started to fall for you, but I couldn't let my emotions get the best of me, I had to look after you. You were the youngest in the band at 15 and you had moved away from home. I heard you Dougie. You cried every night, wishing to be back with your Mum and your little sister, and that's why I took it upon myself to be your father, your brother and your best mate all rolled into one._ '

' **And love is blind and that I knew when,  
My heart was blinded by you.** '

' _In the first few years we became incredibly close, I think it was all down to me being there for you when times got hard. Remember when I taught you to drive and you nearly crashed my car and you swore never to drive again, or when I taught you to shave, which was another funny moment, you started to bleed and you thought you were going to die and then you put on the aftershave and you screamed like a little girl. And I definitely remember the first time we toured together, I think it was with Busted, and we were on the Tour Bus and you had a drink and it was your first drink. Charlie made you drink it because he kept on calling you a 'pussy' and I had a go at him but it didn't stop him, and you drank it. You were such a lightweight back then, you got absolutely drunk on two cans of Fosters. The guys wanted to leave you there but I insisted on taking you too bed and that's what I did. I carried you in my arms to your bunk and laid you down, I took off your shoes and put them in your drawer then you whispered to me, do you remember? You asked me to sleep in your bed with you. You wanted to feel safe. And I did it. Looking back at it, it looked like a silly idea but now I'm glad I did._ '

' **I've kissed your lips and held your head.**  
**Shared your dreams and shared your bed,**  
**I know you well, I know your smell.**  
**I've been addicted to you.'**

' _There were so many great times we shared and so many times were we hated each other and I blame myself. I never blamed you Dougie, never ever ever did I blame you for anything that happened. We both shed tears over something really small and pathetic, but we would argue about it, I have no idea why we did, we just did it. The funny thing is, it would take a few hours for us to be alright again, because that's what we were like. It strengthened our bond. Remember when we had our first argument it was over who sleeps where in our old house, you wanted the top room, but Tom had already taken that, then you went for Danny's room, but then again that was taken so it was left with our two rooms. You wanted the big one and so did I. And I said it, I didn't mean too it just came out. I said "I'm older than you" I realised my mistake as soon as the words came out of my mouth and then I saw the pain on your face it was unbearable. It broke my heart. You ran down the stairs and shut yourself in the front room. I wanted to follow you, but my feet wouldn't move. Then I heard you cry, too me it was the worse thing in the world. It literally broke my heart, I could feel it break in two. I couldn't help but cry. A few hours went past and you seemed to stop crying, I walked downstairs and opened the door to find you asleep, curled up in a ball in the corner of the sofa. I could see that you had cried yourself to sleep because there were tear stains on your face. I sat in the armchair opposite you and watched you sleep._ '

' **I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.  
I've watched you sleeping for a while.** '

' _After two years of living together we all moved out. Tom moved into a house with Gio, Danny moved in with Olivia and we moved in together. We moved in together because you asked too, you said that you didn't want to move out on your own, and you liked being with me, you said it yourself and I liked being with you. All the time, every minute of everyday. For me, you were the one that I could depend on. And I know I could trust you will all my deepest darkest secrets. That's why I told you. Our first proper night in our house, after unpacking, I told you I was gay. I really didn't know how you were going to take it. I thought you might hit me, or leave me or do something. You didn't. You stayed by my side and you held my hand. And you kissed me. I don't know if you meant it to happen, but it did. And it changed everything. From then on I was head over heels in love with you. And I showed it to you everyday. I hugged you, I cuddled you, and I kissed you. And I knew you felt loved. And you were, you always were. Even after a while, we started to share the bed. Do you remember that? Our first night together, it was so funny. You wouldn't sleep in your boxers, and I wanted to sleep naked. You were saying how you weren't comfortable with that. So I made a compromise, we could both sleep topless. And we did. For several nights we were topless, slowly going down to boxers. Then one night in the middle of July we were both naked under the sheets. I was cuddling you as you fell into a peaceful slumber, I knew they were peaceful because you always had a smile on your face and never had a bad dream. This was going to be our life forever. And I was happy that you were the one I was going to be with._ '

' **I'd be the father of your child.  
I'd spend a lifetime with you.** '

' _Do you remember when we were all watching TV and this huge spider came darting across the room and you screamed Dougie? It was in front of the guys, we were all round Tom's house for the 6 year anniversary of the band and we had finished touring for 'The Greatest Hits' and we all had eaten a massive pizza because no one could be bothered to cook, and we were watching Star Wars, as it became a ritual, and halfway through it came running at us, you let out a little scream and we all jumped out of our seat, well you fell on the floor as we were both cuddling on the sofa, so I paused it, stood up and got it out the room. And the guys were laughing at you but I came up and hugged you and told them to shut up. And remember when I wouldn't go to the hospital because I was really scared of them, but you made me because I was really ill and you didn't know what to do and it nearly tore us apart, I was being all stubborn and wouldn't move, you tried to pick me up but fell over, then we finally went after hours of fighting. It's because of you that I have got over all my fears and the things that haunted my past. You were the one. You always were. From the moment I saw you, my heart skipped a beat, it went into a flutter. Dougie do you remember when we were out for a Meet and Greet? And there were these fans asking if we were going out because we were so close, and you laughed and whispered 'only if' and winked at them, and I said that 'I could have you any day of the year' and I picked you up and span you around. You were giggling like a little girl for hours after that. I loved that giggle, it was really girly and sweet and cute. It was your laugh, no one could imitate it, and only I could make you laugh like that. And remember when you giggled like mad when I proposed to you, it was before we went on stage at a little gig we did in Australia when were recording for Radio:ACTIVE. We were all in the dressing room and you were laying on the sofa listening to Blink 182 and I was getting my make-up done by Melissa and Tom and Danny were chatting, I got up from my seat and asked everyone to sit down as I needed to talk to them. Tom automatically thought I wanted to leave the band but I reassured him that I didn't and it was good news. With everyone listening I got down on one knee in front of you and pulled out a box with the ring in it and asked for your hand in marriage, Melissa squealed, Tom cheered and Danny started going all hyper and jumping up and down with Tom and Melissa. We hugged for what seemed like days, we locked lips in a passionate embrace and we both cried._ '

' **I know your fears and you know mine.**  
**We've had our doubts but now we're fine,**  
**And I love you, I swear that's true.**  
**I cannot live without you.'**

' _After the Radio:ACTIVE Tour we all spent a few months off to do what we wanted, we decided to redecorate the house. We did our bedroom in sunshine yellow, the spare bedroom in a sky blue and the music room in a nice peach colour. Warm colours to reflect our love. The front room was decorated by everyone, Tom, Danny, Gio, us two. And it looked stunning, on one wall we have your tattoo design covering it and we left space left for when you got it turned into a sleeve. And the others were a warm Amber, to us lot it looked perfect. And the kitchen was upgraded to a really modern one. Then one day Tom rang up and said that we were going to be flying over to America to start to record our next album and that's where we planned on getting married. We always wanted to do it somewhere other than Britain. We had all these places picked out, really amazing places, we both decided that we wanted to get married on the beach and while the sun was setting and the waved were washing ashore. And we had it. I made it happen. I would do anything for you. You wanted it. You got it. And you got the perfect wedding. There was us two, obviously, Tom, Danny, Gio flew over to join us, Melissa, and a few friends and family that knew about us. It was spectacular, everything was, the wedding itself, the reception, the food, the cake and you. Out of everything you were the most perfect thing in the room. You were wearing a white suit made by a fashion designer that Gio knew and I wore a simple black tux. When you walked in my heart stopped, I looked at you and I couldn't stop staring as you walked up the isle. Do you remember all that Dougie? And the Honeymoon? What a Honeymoon! We never even planned on it, Tom, Gio and Danny surprised us with it. It was a once in a lifetime trip to the Bahamas. And it was one that we would never forget. The first day we got there all we did was explore the island and the towns and cities, and by the third day we knew the island so well we joked about become Holidays Helpers. On the day before we were due to fly back to America to rejoin the guys the most unbelievable thing happened. We made love, but it was more than making love. It was us two finally becoming one and knowing that our life now will be forever entwined. Sadly that's when our lives changed for the worse, we didn't realise it until we started touring for Above The Noise a year later. You were taken really ill. You remember? I rushed you into hospital because you started coughing in the night and blood started to come out and you had a fit and I was worried because I thought I was going to lose you. I couldn't even ring the guys, I couldn't talk. I drove you to the hospital and they got you in straight away and saw to you, by that time Tom and Danny arrived you were unconscious, we stayed in the waiting room nervously waiting for news from your doctor. Half an hour turned into an hour, and hour turned into two and two to three. I started to panic and cry, I wasn't able to hold myself together. Then the doctor came in and sat us down and spoke to us. You had HIV._ '

' **And I still hold your hand in mine.**  
**In mine when I'm asleep.**  
**And I will bear my soul in time,**  
**When I'm kneeling at your feet.'**

' _We were safe. So safe in fact. We made sure. We did everything slowly and safely but it still happened. I didn't mean for it too happen. If I knew that this would happened I wouldn't of had sex with you, I know Dougie that sounds so harsh, but it's true. I wanted you around forever. I wanted to grow old and die together listening to our songs and singing along to them until we fell into a pleasant sleep that would last all eternity. But life is a bitch. You know that. You got worse and worse every month, and there was nothing I could do for you. I felt so helpless, I could only sit there and hug you to sleep as your cried out in pain, and be there for you when you felt like shit and wanted the pain to end. We tried to have sex after it, but we couldn't could we, I couldn't do that too you. I didn't want to damage you anymore than you already were. I wanted you to heal not get worse. I tried everything in my powers to make sure you were ok and well looked after, I got the top doctors, the top nurses, and you were at the best hospital in the world. I made sure of that. I wanted you alive for as long as you could. I didn't want to face the world without you, I couldn't bear it. Everyone would ask questions and I would break down in tears. And I did. Many times. Do you remember when you were in hospital and you wanted me to get your bass and Tom had brought his guitar. Do you remember what you played me? You played me All About You. You said that it was because of me that you had a life, and that you were loved and you were glad that I was the one you married. And you also told me not to worry and to live life as normal. How could I Dougie? You were gone. I didn't have you anymore. I remember the night that you died. It was our 3rd anniversary, and you had made me a card, you wrote a massive letter in it telling me everything, every feeling, every word, every thought you had since you met me. And that night we made love again, it was the first time in many years and we both loved it every minute of it you told me that you loved me and will always be with me in my heart and watching over me every step of the way. Then you past away. It was 3.54am and I was cuddling you. I couldn't sleep, I was watching you sleeping, I had always found it relaxing watching your chest rise and fall, and then it slowly fell and didn't rise again. I started crying and drew you closer to me I didn't want to let you go. You were gone forever and I wasn't going to get you back. I'll always love you Dougie. Forever. I will never forget, and I will always love you until the day that I die. You were only, my one only and I hope you get to read this._

_Love you until the day that my heart stops beating,_

_Harry Mark Christopher Poynter-Judd._ '

' **Goodbye my lover.**  
**Goodbye my friend.**  
**You have been the one.**  
**You have been the one for me.'**


End file.
